Had a First step meeting tonight and I can never think of things while I'm in the rooms but always have some decent thoughts afterwards. Recently I remembered that I relapsed in July and had an experience with a friend the morning after. I quit drinking the day that I woke up on jail but really struggled for a while because I lived with an alcoholic and didn't really have anything better to do. On July 11th I went to a show with some friends and was not going to drink because I was broke and I really didn't want to but my friend said that he was going to pay for my drinks and the flood gates opened. I put like 8 PBR's on his tab and the went home pissed off and proceeded to drink a bottle that I had bought for a friend for her birthday.
These are all great excuses but I was not in control and was in-fact powerless over alcohol and needed help. When I woke up in jail I knew I had a problem, but when I had the feeling of no control I knew I was an alcoholic and that I needed help from others. I immediately called a friend when I woke up and asked her to have coffee with me. She had been sober for 10 years and we sat and talked for 3 hours about whatever came to mind, she told me about the program and invited me but I still didn't go.
I didn't even remember this until this week when a friend reminded me of the show, kind of broke my heart but guess what? I'm human, SURPRISE! Today I have been sober for 8 months and 15 days. I couldn't be more proud of where I am today and what I am doing with my life than I ever have been. I get my license back this week and the feeling is un-explainable. I am however still on the fence of whether I should find a sponsor and work the steps, I know I should but sometimes the program drives me nuts. The same people, in the same rooms, telling the same stories.
I thought about that tonight and I am just being ungrateful, I am lucky to be alive. Those same people can bring joy to my life, those stories can bring me back down from my pedestal, and those same stories are just drilling into my head why I am there and how important it is for me to stay sober.
Thanks, that's all I got tonight.
Keep That PMA