I was told recently that I am the type of person that will tell you what you need to hear not what you want. At first I didn't know how to take it and was quite confused and taken back but as I thought about it, it means that I act the way that I say I am. Constantly telling the truth, telling you if you're over-reacting, even telling you to shut up if what you are saying is no where close to constructive. I know I have offended more than my share of people with this in my life but most of that was under the influence of a whole lot of alcohol. If that is the one trait I keep from being a drunk I guess I cant complain.
Posting on here has been tough for the past few weeks because I haven't felt as if I have much to say in regards to struggling or needing an outlet to purge my system of complaints. Bought a new bike, all kinds of new winter riding gear, had a fantastic Christmas with my family that didn't make me have the urge to drink at all. It seems like as long as I abstain from the thought of it or even when I do think about drinking that I can get myself out of the mood extremely easily. Today is 257 days sober, a little over a week and I will be 100 days till a year. This amount of time baffles me, A year ago today I was most likely sitting on my purple couch with some girl, Tom and Rob on the other couch, watching some pointless thing on tv. Splitting an 18 of PBR and passing around a Liter of Henry Mckenna and laughing to myself about Rob being the oldest one there and him having the hardest time taking a shot. We didn't have shot glasses though, well we had a few for special occasions where toasts were necessary, or we got an expensive bottle, I don't know, It rarely happened though. I can still picture the room perfectly, dingy walls from cigarette smoke, tv loud, my red coffee table with a white boarder covered in beer cans from who knows how far back, all of us laughing and making fun of each other with beer and bottle in hand. if it wasn't for the rare expensive nice things in the room it would be the epitome of a punk hole in the wall.
It really amazes me how far I have come in 6 months of living here but I am extremely good at putting on a face and not sharing things that would put a lesser image of me in someone else's eyes. I will openly tell anyone that I have a drinking problem and do not drink but it always turns into a contest of the crazy shit that I've done. I generally walk away after smiling and laughing. I am not proud of who I was so why would I want to tell anyone about the skeletons in my closet? I read a quote recently and i appologize that I do not remember where it is from or who said it "Speak your mind, anyone that minds doesn't matter, and anyone who matters does not mind." Stop caring what people think, do you, have others feelings in mind and do your best not to trample on them but there is no good that comes from a white lie or hiding the truth to protect someone.
